Post with 135 notes
I’ve tried so hard to like it but I’ve come to the conclusion that green tea is just awful. It tastes like plant semen.
Post with 897 notes
I don’t think that Putin knows this is real life, I’m pretty sure he thinks this is just a very realistic video game and he’s playing as Russia
Post with 323 notes
Hey you know what’s really really cool? Manners! Kindness! Compassion! Not using your elbows to carve your way through a crowd!
Post with 119 notes
I’ve gotten to point now in real life where if it’s not a zombie apocalypse or an alien invasion I’m just not interested
Post with 75 notes
I hate hate hate having to go to upmarket restaurants, the food is portioned for mice the menu will be unintelligible and most likely entirely in French and people will look at you funny if you hold your fork at the wrong angle.
Post with 612 notes
Two people were sitting opposite each other on the train today and they both had babies with them and one of the babies was crying it’s eyes out and the other one was just staring at the crying baby with disapproval and hatred and I think we know which one is going to end up with a tumblr
Post with 92 notes
I saw The Lego Movie today and it was really really good, Lego Batman needs his own spin-off movie, TV series and comic books.
Post with 85 notes
I love a good argument every now and then, it gives life that tiny bit of unpredictability that just lightly tickles your balls
Post with 124 notes
If you imagine that inanimate objects can talk and you narrate what you think they would say in your mind then life becomes infinitely more interesting
Post with 293 notes
There were a bunch of 11 year old kids sitting beside me on the train today and they were discussing porn videos but in a really serious academic fashion, like they were evaluating different pornstars and what they liked and disliked about each of them and how certain ones could improve their performance, it was like I had fallen into an alternate universe.
Post with 256 notes
I don’t understand bagels, why is there a hole? What is it for? Who decided it would be a good idea to have less sandwich?
Post with 162 notes
I’ve really gotten into my highlighters recently I’m highlighting pretty much anything I can get my hands on, my textbooks look like a homosexual aggressively wanked over them
Post with 198 notes
You’d think people would have realised by now that there is no magic diet, no magic fruit or vegetable, no ancient chinese ointment that has been hidden under a rock for 4000 years that will magically cause you to lose a huge amount of weight in a very short time period, which by the way is incredibly unhealthy. But no, the multi-billion dollar bullshit diet industry trundles on pausing only to laugh and point at the poor souls sitting by the wayside wolfing down a godawful smoothie and raw broccoli.
Post with 71 notes
I just watched the new episode of The Walking Dead and my feelings about Carl being a dickchild have been confirmed
Post with 77 notes
I wonder if I’ll ever be able to turn on my PS3 without it needing an update that doesn’t seem to change anything at all
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